50 premarital counseling questions for Christian couples

These questions are not a replacement for premarital counseling. If your church offers it, take it. Use this list to prepare, or to keep talking between sessions.

Faith

1. What does your relationship with God look like day to day?
2. How would you like us to pray and read Scripture together?
3. What church will we belong to, and how involved do we want to be?
4. How will we handle it if one of us goes through a season of doubt?
5. What spiritual traditions from your family do you want to keep?
6. How do we want to serve others as a couple?
7. What does it mean to you for Christ to be at the center of our marriage?
8. If we have children, how will we pass on our faith?

Family and background

1. What did you learn about marriage from your parents, good and bad?
2. How involved do you expect our families to be in our life?
3. How will we handle holidays and time with each family?
4. Is there anything from your past you need me to know?
5. Do you want children? How many, and when?
6. How do you feel about adoption or fostering?
7. What role do you expect each of us to play at home?
8. How will we set boundaries with family if we need to?

Money

1. How did your family handle money when you were growing up?
2. Do you have any debt, and how do you feel about it?
3. Will we combine our finances completely, partly, or not at all?
4. How will we decide on big purchases?
5. How much do you think we should save each month?
6. How do you feel about giving and tithing?
7. Who will manage the budget day to day?
8. What financial goals do you have for the next five years?
9. What does "enough" look like to you?

Communication and conflict

1. How did your family handle conflict?
2. When you are upset, do you need time alone or to talk it through right away?
3. What is a fair way for us to argue?
4. How do you prefer to apologize, and to be apologized to?
5. Is there anything you are afraid to bring up with me?
6. How will we know when we need outside help?
7. What makes you feel most loved and respected?
8. How will we make big decisions when we disagree?

Intimacy

1. What are your hopes and expectations for physical intimacy in marriage?
2. Is there anything from your past that affects how you think about intimacy?
3. How will we talk about this honestly if something is not working?
4. How can we keep emotional closeness alive in busy seasons?
5. What does romance look like to you?

Expectations and the future

1. Where do you see us living in five and ten years?
2. How do you feel about moving for work?
3. How do our careers fit together?
4. How much time together each week feels right to you?
5. How much time with friends, apart from me, do you need?
6. What does a good weekend look like to you?
7. How will we keep growing as a couple after the wedding?
8. What are you most looking forward to about being married?
9. What worries you most about marriage?
10. What do you want our marriage to look like in 30 years?

Keep the conversations going after the wedding

Premarital counseling usually ends at the wedding. The habit of honest conversation should not. Anchored gives newly married couples one Scripture and one question a day, answered privately and unlocked together. Foundations is a good first series for the start of a marriage.