AnchoredWhy it feels so hard
Praying out loud next to your spouse is exposing. They hear what you really care about, and they know you well enough to notice the gap between your words and your week. Some people also grew up hearing long, polished public prayers and feel theirs will sound thin. None of that means you are doing it wrong. It means praying together touches something real, which is exactly why it is worth doing.
“Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.”
You do not need the right words. Scripture says the Spirit helps us in our weakness, even when we do not know what to pray.
A two-minute way to start tonight
- Pick the moment. Choose a time that already happens every day, such as after dinner or just before you turn the light off.
- Sit close. Hold hands or put a hand on each other’s shoulder. It makes it feel shared rather than performed.
- One sentence each of thanks. "Thank You, Lord, for…" Name something specific from today.
- One sentence each of need. "Please help us with…" or "Please be with…" Again, something specific.
- Close together. One of you says amen, or you say it together.
Do this for a week before you change anything. Short and consistent builds trust faster than long and occasional.
Five simple ways to pray together
Once the two-minute version feels normal, try one of these. Stay with whichever fits you; there is no right order.
1. Pray a written prayer aloud
Read a prayer together, or take turns reading a line each. Christians have prayed written words for centuries, starting with the Lord’s Prayer. Our 12 short prayers for couples are written for exactly this.
2. Sentence prayers
Take turns praying one sentence at a time, back and forth, for as long as feels natural. Nobody has to carry a long prayer, and it often turns into a conversation with God that you are both part of.
3. Pray a passage
Read a short passage, then turn it into a prayer in your own words. With Philippians 4:6-7, you might pray: "Lord, we are anxious about money this month. We give it to You, and we ask for Your peace." Psalms work especially well.
“Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
4. Pray for each other, by name
Before you pray, ask each other one question: "What can I pray for you about this week?" Then pray for your spouse instead of for yourself. Hearing your husband or wife bring your worry to God by name is one of the most bonding things in marriage.
5. Pray silently, side by side
If praying aloud is a real barrier for one of you, start in silence. Sit together, each pray quietly for a minute or two, and let one person close with a short "Amen." It still counts as praying together, and it often makes praying aloud easier later.
“And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”
When it gets awkward
| What happens | What helps |
|---|---|
| One of you is far more comfortable praying aloud | Let the quieter partner choose the format, and keep the confident one’s prayers as short as theirs. |
| You run out of words | Pray what is in front of you: today, tomorrow, one person you are worried about. Specific beats eloquent. |
| It feels like a performance | Close your eyes, keep it brief, and remember you are talking to God, not to each other. |
| You have just argued | Pray anyway, briefly: "Lord, help us." It is hard to stay hard-hearted toward someone you are praying with. |
| You keep forgetting | Tie it to something fixed, like turning off the light, or set a shared daily reminder. |
| Your spouse is not ready | Invite rather than push. Pray for them on your own, and ask if you can pray for them out loud, even once a week. |
What to pray about
If your mind goes blank, work through four words: thanks (something from today), sorry (something you need forgiveness for, if you are both willing), help (what is ahead tomorrow) and others (children, family, a friend who is struggling). One sentence for each is plenty.
“Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.”
Confessing to each other is the hardest of the four, so never force it. Over time it becomes the part that changes a marriage most.
Keep it going
Praying together lasts when it is part of something you already do together. Many couples put it at the end of a short devotional: read one passage, talk about one question, then pray about whatever came up. How to start a couples devotional walks through that rhythm. In Anchored, each day gives you both the same Scripture and one question, its Stillness breaks guide you through a moment of prayer, and the Prayer Together series is thirty days of learning to pray as a couple.
